Dave’s Heck Of A Night!

‘Goodness me!’ Dave says as he walks into his house, where he finds his wife feeding their 1 year old baby boy.

‘Are you ok?’ asks Julie, his wife.

‘Well I had a bit of a hectic day at work’

Dave is a ticket warden. He likes his job. Especially when he sees the stunned faces of people when they find out that they just got a £50 fine, for parking on the yellow lines which they say they ‘didn’t notice’. His father was a ticket warden, his father’s father was a ticket warden, and his own son would probably be a ticket warden!  Even though he liked his job, there was always the odd day when he would get the old punch in the face, mainly if it was troublesome teenage drivers who recently passed their driving test but today he was left stunned.

‘What happened?’ Julie insists, ‘You didn’t get punched in the face again, did you?’

‘No, not at all, in fact I didn’t even give out one ticket today,’ says Dave totally bewildered.

‘So, what’s the big problem then? Are we behind on the rent? Have you been fired!?’

‘No, I just came across a… strange person today’

‘Ok’ says a worried yet curious Julie, ‘what happened?’

Dave sighs,” Well, I was on duty. Walking down the usual streets, giving people the look to see the worry and suspension if I was going to ask them where there car was. But when I walked into Chrimbo Street, I saw the most remarkable thing! There, parked on a red line was what looked like a sleigh and big mooses out the end of it. I walked over to it where I saw a big fat man dressed in red who had a white beard, eating mince pies and drinking milk.

‘Hello!’, he said his face bright red because of the cold.

‘Um, hi!’, I reply, wondering what exactly to say.

‘I’m Nicholas!’ he says,’ though some people call me St. Nick, the red man, Nicky, Santa and occasionally-’

‘Right, well, I’m sorry to say but you’re on a red line. Do you know what that means by any chance?’

‘Mmm, let me see’ He brings out a small book which is called ‘Sleigh Riders for Beginners’ He flicks though it until he finds a page with a title on it which says ‘Red lines, never park on them, may cause children’s attention. I huff and say, ‘It means that you can’t park on the line’

‘Not even for 1 minute’


’50 seconds?’


’32 and a half seconds?’


’10 sec-‘

‘No, no, no! The red line means that you cannot repeat not park, stand or do anything on this line!’

‘Oh right, I see. Well, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. It’s just my reindeer, Comet, wanted to park here. See the cake shop over there? Well, he likes the lemon delights from there; he would live on them if he had the chance’

‘So, just to get things right you’re saying that your ‘reindeer’ wanted you to park here because he likes the cakes out of the shop?’

‘Exactly! You know, I had just the same problem with you people last year! All except the man just fell to the ground! I didn’t really know what to do so I just flew up the street’

‘Mmm, well if you had the same problem, it probably means that- WHAT! How on Earth can u ‘fly’ up the street?’

‘It’s pretty easy actually,’ he says, laughing,’ you just simply give the reindeer a whip and they fly into the air! How do you expect me to fly around the world in one night?’

‘So you’re saying that you’re Santa! I shout, ‘seriously!’

‘That’s exactly what the other people say! Though, I really should be getting on, I see that my reindeer have eventually finished their snack! Here’

He gives me a bottle of coca cola.

‘I recently saw the advert for it and I just tried some today and it tastes quite good! But when I walked into the shop they gave a whole box of them! Oh well, maybe I’ll see you sometime in the future, you never know! Merry Christmas!’

And with that, he just flew up into the air and completely vanished’

‘Wow’, says Julie, nearly off the edge of her seat. ‘You haven’t been drinking by any chance have you?’

‘Nope, though can you pass me some? I think I’m going crazy!’

This entry was posted in Clubs, Wednesday Lunchtimes and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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